Peak vacation bonding.

planes, but it never really took off.

The car sun visor blocks everything except the exact square inch where the sun burns your retinas.

$38. Free shipping threshold: $50. Spent $45 more on things I don't need just to save $4.99 on shipping. Financial genius.

Horoscope: 'Be open to joy.' Cancer: *Bursts into tears because the word 'joy' reminds them of a dog they saw in 2014*

Now if I stay out past 9 PM, my knees send an emergency alert to my smartwatch.'

Wide open mouth, hands on cheeks, eyes popping out, giant red arrow pointing to an empty microwave.

'Just a short 10-minute walk to the pristine beach!' The walk: Across an 8-lane active highway, a swamp, and an industrial dock.

I once tasted a Beggin' Strip dog treat just to see if it actually tasted like bacon. (Spoiler: It tastes like salted cardboard).